did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
