Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
