First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
