dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
