I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
