Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
