Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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