I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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