Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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