you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you will always have a special place in my vag
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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