She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
