Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
In America we eat man semen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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