I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize