I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
