six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
