I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
