He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
