can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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