he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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