so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week