There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.