I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what ever happened to devon sawa?
i'm really worried about him.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.