well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
