My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant