Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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