It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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