i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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