just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
