this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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