it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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