ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
