Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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