Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize