ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
