??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want to make out with him forever
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
