The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
