just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
