it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
