Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
