I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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