i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
