my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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