i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
