my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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