I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
