Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
