why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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