Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
