Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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