I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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