I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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