after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we should paint friendship bongs
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