please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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