Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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