Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he thought i was a dude.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
