pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
