oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I supernannyed him into submission
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