Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Text me some of your sweat
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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