I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if i can run in heels then i can drive
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I am morally bankrupt
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
