I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
