Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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