What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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