I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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