So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
