i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
