did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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