I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
