mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
