I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
