I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bring money and cleavage
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
