a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
