please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize