Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
