why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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