My hand turned me down
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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