ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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