the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
