If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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