i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
