And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
