I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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