you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sext me about skeletons
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
