He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
how does that bad decision feel?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize