Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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