i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
