We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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