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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm

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• (310): View more from California

  My entire life is one complicated drinking game

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

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• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.

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