Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
