Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
