Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today