It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?