What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
