all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life