I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.