Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

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  (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me. http://tfl.nu/ioo3
  Replies (26) Good night (4947) Bad night (677)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one

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  (502): so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one http://tfl.nu/ezfm
  Replies (11) Good night (4546) Bad night (580)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?

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  (850): when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children? http://tfl.nu/iefn
  Replies (26) Good night (1321) Bad night (6044)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".

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  (773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy". http://tfl.nu/lu2f
  Replies (47) Good night (1419) Bad night (6473)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

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  (803): that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins http://tfl.nu/u9n2
  Replies (23) Good night (8214) Bad night (988)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.

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  (773): I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced. http://tfl.nu/90fx
  Replies (25) Good night (5532) Bad night (1147)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.

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  (618): There's an australian, my relationship has no hope. http://tfl.nu/z5vt
  Replies (20) Good night (2978) Bad night (1351)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars

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  (813): My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars http://tfl.nu/ok6n
  Replies (3) Good night (2255) Bad night (706)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.

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  (706): I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart. http://tfl.nu/7g13
  Replies (3) Good night (1233) Bad night (597)
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  (510): View more from California

  Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me

  (206): View more from Washington

  That is an interesting fear as well as image

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  (510): Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me (206): That is an interesting fear as well as image http://tfl.nu/r0xy
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (538)
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  (408): View more from California

  if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt

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  (408): if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt http://tfl.nu/goj5
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (540)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.

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  (570): I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day. http://tfl.nu/mbwl
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (307)
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  (760): View more from California

  EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.

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  (760): EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney. http://tfl.nu/xmac
  Replies (5) Good night (502) Bad night (386)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my vagina doesn't wear a watch

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  (774): Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak (603): my vagina doesn't wear a watch http://tfl.nu/ym75
  Replies (6) Good night (1186) Bad night (317)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.

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  (403): If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine. http://tfl.nu/ulb5
  Replies (3) Good night (579) Bad night (322)

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