I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize