Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
