and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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